Trying to find myself…

i’m searching hard


Time to #getoutside.


Time to #getoutside.


Wow, so i’m a junior in college? I feel so old! For those of you that have been following my blog… my life has just spiraled out of controlled this summer with the boyfriend breaking up with me, my life seemed so perfect, then it was hell. I’m still adjusting but now i’m focusing more on me. I’ve learned so much in my relationship that i wasn’t really letting me be myself. i stopped working out as much and ate pretty crappy foods. 

But now, I’m going out a lot with friends, eating better, and going to the gym all the time! i love it!

Life :(

My life is the definition of a roller coaster. Just when I thought things were going well, they came crashing down, every time.  I definitely hit my lowest point in life, lost a ton of weight, then gained a ton of weight. Im currently stuck in the hardest situation ever. Im in a relationship that has been through so much shit and is held together by hanging shreds. He hurt me, so much, I don’t treat him right, but yet we can’t leave each other. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. I’ve done things that I would say I would never do if I loved him. I just don’t know how to be happy with him anymore, it seems so fake. I’m at a point where every single thing, even the way he breathes, annoys me. I can’t get myself out. I know it’s the choice i have to make. I can’t be with him forever even though we talk about the kids we are going to have. It’s like one moment I’m smiling and we are laughing and the next it’s all serious and he’s so fucking stubborn. I can’t take it. It makes me miserable but I’m addicted. I can’t do it. I can’t leave. Someone help me..

update :D

Hey y’all. so this summer has been such a battle. i’ve lost weight and I’m at peace with my body. I’m trying to figure out my shit and my relationship.

i leave for vacation with my boyfriend so soon! I’ve never been out of the country before in Europe! i’m exciteddddd

ugh life.

sorry guys. you have no idea what i’ve been to deal with this past month. I had no idea my summer was gonna turn out this way.

If you wanna know my life drama that should be a reality tv show don’t hesitate to ask. i don’t want to put it completely public though.

but through this whole process, i’ve realized i’m weaker than i thought. i’m not mentally strong enough to go through with things i wish i could do, things that would make me happier. 


back to eating normally again and eating a lot more food. i definitely went through a little depression before. now i’m just trying to sort my life out. i know that i’m wrong in my choice to stay with him after he had sex with a girl the next day after he broke up with me after we were dating for almost a year. but now i can do whatever i want in our open relationship.

How do I pick up the broken pieces?
Sorry guys

As you can see I’m going through soooo much right now. I need to get my life in check and my ex/ boyfriend
Brb. I promise

A little part of me dies inside when I breathe in and out.

I can’t do this. Please make the pain stop

My life is falling apart

One day it’s good, he reassures me, the next, he’s blowing up at me and saying have a good life. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to break. I’m already broken. I don’t know how to pick my pieces up. I can’t eat or sleep. I lay in my bed last night awake from 1:30am- 5am. I can’t live like this. I just can’t. Someone please help me.

Intake 6/6

Breakfast- coffee, 1/2 banana
Lunch- 3 bites apple, 1/2 C egg whites with spinach
Dinner- tiny plate of pineapple and water melon

Intake 6/5

Breakfast- nothing
Lunch- apple (at 2pm)
Dinner- plain salad with mixed greens, strawberries, tomato and cucumber
When I’m upset I can’t eat, which is obviously shown above.

Din dinn was a salad with chicken, strawberries, cucumber

Din dinn was a salad with chicken, strawberries, cucumber

Nevermind ?

Don’t mind my posts before. He made a mistake, regretted it and wanted me back. That’s all I wanted.
We’re good for each other. I know it.